Two Thousand Fifteen.
That's what is emblazoned in white letters on the front of my bright pink monthly planner. (I totally scored it in the $1 section at Target!)
At the beginning of each month, I open up this calendar and jot down my blog post goals. On the left page, I write down the number of blog posts I want to write for The Life and Times of Jennie Rose (my original blog). On the right page, I note how many posts I want to write for jennie’s journey (my new Wordpress blog). Then, I jot down post title ideas and/or topic ideas.
In May, I wrote four suggestions on the left hand page:
- Adoption Update | Spring
- Documenting Your Every Day
- Motherly Love
May came and went and I had written numbers 3 & 4 only.
There was no adoption update that month.
Or the next month.
Or the month thereafter.
Well, the truth is, I kept crossing it out, and moving it to the next month because I didn’t know quite what to say. I was procrastinating big time because I didn’t have anything really exciting to share. No "We've matched with a birth mother!" or "Our baby girl is due in _______!"
But there has been a little bit of activity behind-the-scenes, if you will...
At one point, we were one of three families being considered by a birth mother. (We were originally one of five, so when we learned that there were only three families left, we were ecstatic!) But then the birth mother suddenly stopped coming to her appointments at the agency, and ultimately never chose a family.
And then there was a call from our attorney about a birth mother on the East Coast, and we said we were interested, but the birth mother decided she wanted an adoptive family from the state in which she lives.
We also have two birth mothers following us on Adoptimist, but neither one has reached out to us via phone or email.
And each time I would tell them no, I'd see a look of disappointment and sadness on their faces.
And believe me, I feel the same way…times about five or six.
As hard as it is to field the same question over and over again, I know in my heart that you -- our family and friends and neighbors -- are asking because you genuinely care.
I know these inquiries are made with love and concern.
You’re clearly rooting for us. (And that is just so darn cool.) You want to see us achieve our dream. You want to witness us love a little girl like we love and cherish our not-so-little-anymore boy.
And for that, I’m so grateful. So thankful.
I’m also thankful that you’re still sending up prayers for us. Thankful that you’re thinking good thoughts. Thankful that you’re continuing to spread the word about our adoption dream by sharing our video with friends and family, giving our pass along cards to nurses or doctors you know, and tacking up cards on community bulletin boards. (By the way, if you know of any college students who would be willing to post a few of our pass along cards on campus bulletin boards, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.)
As for me, I, too, will keep praying and waiting and remaining hopeful.
I'll keep cherishing the time I have with our 3 1/2-year-old son who loves to wear boots every single day of the year -- regardless of the weather -- and play at a local indoor playground where socks are required, but shoes must go into the cubbies.
Speaking of shoes, I’ll keep buying adorable baby shoes (I swear this little girl is going to have more shoes than I do!) and decorating the nursery little by little.
And I'll keep visualizing myself holding our baby girl for the first time. Fighting back the tears like I did when Noah was first placed in my arms.
For I truly believe these words written by William Arthur Ward, "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you dream it, you can become it."